Ronald McDonald Promotes Obesity: Call in the Navy Seals!

May 22, 2011
53 Views
Fast Food or Front for Evil?

As Whistleblower readers know, I have a 6 day-a-week love affair with The New York Times. I love the paper’s reportage, but not its editorial policy.

Fast Food or Front for Evil?

As Whistleblower readers know, I have a 6 day-a-week love affair with The New York Times. I love the paper’s reportage, but not its editorial policy. However, it’s important to seek out other views on the issues of the day. This is an opportunity to defend your beliefs by disarming the opposition’s argument, or to change your mind.

The news these days is very dark. There’s an apocalyptic aura as we read about terror, war and natural disasters occurring all over the globe. And, since we all like reading about villains, the news media readily supplies us with demons to root against and to distract us from more serious challenges that hover over us.

In this past week, there were four prime villains that the national media offered up for us to consume.

  • Osama bin Laden
  • Mouammar Khadafi
  • Mahmound Ahmadinejad
  • Ronald McDonald

Don’t let Ronald’s sunny visage fool you. Behind his painted smile and underneath his red hair is an evil mind who is devoting his life to promoting obesity and ruining our kids. To recall a bold pronouncement issued by a prior Republican president who was poised to send troops into danger across the globe, ‘this aggression will not stand!’ Ronald must be stopped.

Full page ads appeared in several major newspapers asking McDonalds to fire Ronald McDonald, whose nefarious purpose is to lure mindless kids to ingest too much fat, too much sugar and too many calories. Even Happy Meal toys were targeted by the organizing group Corporate Accountability. They properly recognized that these ‘toys’ were dangerous mind control devices that subliminally cause cravings for Big Macs with extra cheese.

Where’s the outrage? How has this purveyor of poundage been permitted to operate freely for decades?

Hopefully, the Patriot Act has given law enforcement and the intelligence community enough tools to gather damning evidence against Ronald. I suspect that the Hamburglar is wearing a wire. Legal experts are already debating whether a future trial should take place in a civilian court or a military tribunal. I lean towards the latter, not wanting Ronald to have a public platform to spew his poisonous propaganda, which might include coded language to awaken sleeper cells.

What punishment would be just for such a demon? Gitmo? Solitary confinement in a federal prison? Perhaps, an entire year requiring Ronald to swallow 3 Happy Meals a day would be enough to rehabilitate him and to flip him to our side.

Once Ronald has been taken out, then we can focus on other villains who are plotting evil against us. Do you really think that Mickey Mouse and Goofy are just innocent cartoon characters?

.

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